let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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