fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
