I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
