she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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