I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
