Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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