Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
