I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
