wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
