cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
