I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
