how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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