if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bring me that man meat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
