I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
