Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
