she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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