I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
