I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
