Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
