it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
