My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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