Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
