Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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