well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what day is it and did you see me today?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
