just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
