Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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