So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
