I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
