So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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