By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
