Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
