he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
