I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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