Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
