Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
