Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
