Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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