I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
