can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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