i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
