I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize