so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
