So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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