Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
