I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
