you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize