Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
