Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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