Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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