if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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