she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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