Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
