the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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