dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
