My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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