What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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