u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
