i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
