You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
