I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
