Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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