I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
