so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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