Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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