and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
