My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
