So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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