i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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