Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This baby is an asshole
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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